Woody

Early morning light creeps through drawn blinds. I open one eye to check the time. “Where is the clock?” I think groggily. I can’t see it now. Something is in the way. Who or what is standing there? Heart beating faster, hyperventilation starts. Oh, it’s just Woody. Most mornings when I wake, Woody is already standing there waiting for me to open my eyes. How Woody does that I will never know. With a hand around Woody I try to push him to either side so I can see the clock. No good, Woody is just too stiff. Feeling Woody rub back and forth on the sheets is not helping any either. That not only feels good and I do not want to stop, but makes Woody stiffer too. But I still need to see the clock. I’ll have to raise my head and look. Good, it is only 6AM. I still have half an hour before the alarm clock goes off. Woody is still standing there too. I wonder what I can do to use Woody while he is ready? Pushing Woody side-to-side works, but that would mess up the sheets. Maybe I could use Woody to poke the wife awake and see if she is interested. Yea, right! Only a fool wakes his woman in the early morning expecting that. The look alone would make Woody droop. I have to find some other way to make Woody and I feel good. Think man, think!

I know! I can go into the bathroom and finish the job by hand. But first I MUST empty my bladder. Whoa, look at Woody standing tall and firm. Makes a guy proud. It will take both hands to aim Woody now. She hates it when we miss. Well, here goes. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Hey Woody, what are you doing? That is no way to act. I was not forgetting your fun. STOP THAT! So much for our fun today. Thanks a lot Woody. Man, this sucks. At least I learned an important lesson today. Woody is like a pressurized fire hose. Once the water flows, Woody becomes a limp hose.