“Two Ladies and a Gentleman”
(A Delightful Threesome Among Very Good Friends)
By J. Barrington Entwhistle  ©2002

The Setting

The gentleman has arranged for a safe, secure, shut-out-the-world, two-room hotel suite.

The parlor will have a table for food and wine service, with ice bucket, serving plates, silverware, stemware, and cloth napkins.  The gentleman will have arranged for luncheon appetizers and wines, to be delivered prior to scheduled arrival of the ladies at high noon.   The room will also have an overstuffed arm chair…

The boudoir is appointed with king-sized bed (the bed cover tastefully turned down) night stands, and dresser, etc.  The telephone and television have been disabled.  The bedside radio clock is set to classical music and faced toward the wall.

The Lovers

The Ladies:  Mature and fully ripened.  They have knowing eyes, laugh and cry lines, and a little extra padding.  (Real women, modern trend notwithstanding, should not look like somebody’s 14-year old kid brother.  Built for comfort, not for speed, these women know what time it is.)  Upon arrival, they are dressed in nice cocktail dresses, perhaps low cut, perhaps on the short side, but not overly tight, and high heels.  That is all.   There is nothing underneath the dresses but woman, no confusing underthings.  Their charms, however, are safely shrouded in mystery. 

“No dewy-eyed, wholesome, baby doll, pristine goddess.  No, sir!!   That kind of girl ties knots no sailor ever knew.   I prefer to take a chance on a more adult romance… I hope, I pray, for Hester to win just one more ’A’…Sadder but wiser girls for me.”  (Adapted from “Music Man” – 1962)

The Gentleman:  Tall, sophisticated, and formerly Fred Astaire slim.   Still tall and sophisticated, he is a bit more Gene Autry, with stretch marks on his tuxedo.  Walking away, his backside resembles two small boys fighting in a pup tent.  He is wearing a bathrobe emblazoned with the hotel logo, appendages swinging below…There is a legal notice about pilfering bathrobes.  It seems there is no place these days for the joyful pranks of his boyhood.  (Gone are the days when he could drop his pencil to the floor, in just the right spot to allow looking up teacher’s dress while retrieving it.)

“Tis a truth universally acknowledged that men with some ‘snow on the roof ‘ make far better lovers than the stronger but less experienced, less imaginative, less considerate, younger dolts…”          (Jane Austen and JB Entwhistle  – Dates unknown)

The standing rules for the lovers are  “equal time”,  “easy does it”,  “caring and sharing”, and “giving is receiving”.

“Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister, and Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man…”                           (“White Christmas” – 1954)

                                                   Act I  (“The Parlor”)

            (The naughty but nice onset of a glorious encounter between the lovers) 

The luncheon appetizers and wines have arrived:

    Cold Shrimp w/Cocktail Sauce                Pinot Gris, Willamette Valley, Oregon
    Pate de foie gras w/toast points             French Red Burgundy, Cote d’ Or, France
    Baked Brie w/almonds                           Cabernet Sauvignon, Napa Valley, California
                                        Assorted Chocolates Suisse               

                                         Scene 1.  (“Well, Here We Are…”)

The ladies are fashionably late, as only ladies can be.  The gentleman greets them at the door and, in the circumspect manner of Inspector Clousseau, deftly suspends the “Do Not Disturb” sign (double checking its proper facing five times) from the doorknob.              

The lovers will exchange pleasantries and tenderly embrace all around.   The gentleman is permitted, at this early juncture, only a soft, inspirational, fingertip trace of mysterious, female curves, cloaked and safely hidden from view, but, oh, so near…(Any venturing ‘neath the dresses prior to lunch will be met with a resounding slap to his foolish, unprepossessing face.)    The trio heads (arm in arm, in arm) toward the luncheon table.  Light conversation, lilting laughter, and good food and wine eventually give way to those knowing looks of the “well, here we are…” category.   (House lights dim…)

                                                 Scene 2.  (“Nice Shoes”)                                                          

The gentleman laments not having a full dessert course.  One of the ladies slowly lifts her hemline waist high to reveal sweet contradiction.   The other lady follows suit.   The gentleman, presented with that kind of jaw-dropping inspiration, waxes musical from Handel’s  “Messiah”… (“Hallelujah!!”).   He is likely to greet his ladies, on bended knee, in a much more meaningful way at that juncture.  The singing will cease.  “Mr. Ed” may come out to say “Hello, Willlbur”.   If not, the ladies will locate him pacing in his terrycloth barn and will briefly return the silent greeting…Because he is a gentleman, he will help the ladies out of their dresses.  The high heels remain in place.  With two ladies in their “me-oh-mys”, the gentleman will be tongue-tied, barely able to say, “nice shoes”. 

He will refill wine glasses and begin to anoint the ladies, fully for one and then the other, in precious places female with a very light Parisian perfume.  His route will begin behind her ears.   Next, her delicate throat, head tilted back at a rakish angle.  Girlish giggles are likely.  Moving south, her beautiful, bountiful, wild and free bosoms.  A work of art, unique in the world…They are hers…(yet, she shares them with her lucky gentleman).  The gentleman is likely to dally there, lightly perfuming over, under, and around the glorious orbs, giving special attention to her “pop-outs”, at times demure, but now perky and pointing toward Pennsylvania.          

Next, the navel.  Some are “innies”.  Some are “outies”.   Few men even know why it is there.   It deserves it’s own stroke.   Further south is mysterious shrubbery, situate in the form of a wedge pointing the way to her womanhood.   Her shrubbery should be lightly perfumed, but those soft, open, waiting parts below should not.  However, the gentlemen will be in position to reach under, bear slightly north, and apply a surreptitious dab to her rosebud.  “Hello.”  Finally, the soft and delicate inner thighs followed by a little swipe behind each knee.  (Repeat, with equal and undivided conviction, for the second lady.)

                                            Scene 3.  (“The Chair Apparent”)

The gentleman will then escort his ladies to the nearby arm chair, reveling in the delicate air.  The lady first anointed, last attended, with high heels still in place, will be offered the chair, knees perched comfortably atop the arms.  Both of her partners will give sweet, loving attention to her womanhood, in alternating fashion.  The ladies exchange places for similar purpose, followed by the gentleman.  The ladies will have removed his bathrobe by this time to allow “Mr. Ed” free rein.  They will teach him a thing or two about the prairie, yet cautiously so as not to overdo, both having big plans for the other room.   The gentleman only hopes that they like antiques.

Act II  (“The Boudoir”)
(Sugar and Spice, Delightful times Twice)

                                                Scene 1.  (“Patty Cake”)

He will lie back on the generous bed, relax, and allow his ladies to rightfully take charge.  They will be on either side of their gentleman, on their knees and (both facing his toes) are strategically positioned, also affording him a delightful view of two delicious, inviting, pear-shaped female derrieres.   Their knees will be comfortably parted, granting teasing glimpses of shrubbery and parts female.  To the fortunate and grateful gentleman, this vision of loveliness transcends the Taj Mahal, Mona Lisa’s enigmatic smile, and Saturn’s rings.   He will be unable to resist a dual round of Patty Cake with their bouncing  “Bippity, Boppity, Boo!’s”…

The ladies will alternately apply loving lips and tickling tongues to the gentleman’s “lollipop”.   Their delightful administration at this point should be purposeful, reassuring, and unhurried, bearing little resemblance to the frantic motions of the Prom Queen, ensconced on the back seat of a ’63 Impala, playing “piccolo” with the entire starting line-up of the victorious football team.  Otherwise, an unfortunate, early misfire could occur, even with an older, seasoned gentleman.

                                            Scene 2.  (“The Straddle Hop”)

An easy and natural transition from Scene 1., the gentleman remains in place, as instructed.   By this time, although still early in the encounter, he may be partially paralyzed, with eyes glazed, and, of course, unable to resist the sweet  “oh, so female” matters to come.   Any mindless, masculine, Tarzan tendencies have disappeared  (like pickle barrels, fly paper, buggy whips and whalebone corset stays).   By mysterious agreement of the ladies, spoken or unspoken, one of them will “knee over” to position her femaleness to receive the gentlemen’s long and learned tongue for a righteous, ribald round of “Cunnilinguistics” (featuring “pearl diving”, “deep six” and “rosebud flutters”),  all done “tongue-in-cheeks”.   He will probe, he will quake, he will shudder, he will shake, just like a puppy with a brand new slipper.

The receiving lady (on top) must surrender “lollipop” to the other lady for her exclusive attention.  After passage of appropriate time, the other lady calls “switch”, surrenders “lollipop” in turn, and positions herself for similar tongue lashings by the gentlemen.  So it goes.  Ladies swishing back and forth.   Lips and tickles below…

                                           Scene 3.  (“Bicycle Built for Two”)

Another easy transition.  The gentleman stays in place, already engaged with his lady on top.  The other lady is now in control.  She will reposition, and ease herself down to fully impale herself on the gentleman’s bodacious “Barnum and Bailey”.  The ladies are face-to-face, perhaps the first time since lunch.  They have an opportunity to greet each other, kiss, exchange recipes, and caress each other’s breasts in that special, girly, way. 

(This scene allows considerable flexibility for the ladies.  Each of them may change direction (face his nose, or face his toes) at will.  Also, the ladies may switch locations at any time.  Choice of direction (at either location) remains an ongoing option for the ladies.  At those times when they face each other, they reaffirm their friendship.  All the while, they both will be receiving pleasure from their underlying gentleman…)

                                            Scene 4.  (“Missionary Man”)

The gentleman stands, at attention, as the ladies lie back and stretch, knees raised and parted, sharing eagerness and female titter.  This may be the first opportunity for the gentleman to fully and truly gaze upon his ladies in  their unabashed female glory.  Ladies, no matter how old or worldly, no matter how accomplished, all men are, at the same time, amazed and terrified by the full, naked presentation of womanhood.  It is mysterious, dark, scary, and confusing, reducing brave men to whimpering little speckled spaniels, yapping at the moon and stepping on their ears.

The gentleman beholds a pair of pouting petunias, ripe for plucking.  They are saying “now, big boy”.  Yet, in each case, there is a tiny, pinkish, hooded pearl, peering at the gentleman, a silent sentinel dispensing squinty-eyed justice, seemingly calling out  “Who goes there? ”, guarding the entrance below.  In a nano-second, the inner man ranges from “Are they closed? ” to “Why am I here?” to “I’m back, now” to “Brace yourself…”

Of special fascination to most men, is the landscaping.  It is inspiring and primeval.  Each lady has unique, magnificent shrubbery.  Consider color, from Pale Amber to Brindle to Fire Engine to Midnight.  And texture, from Downy Soft to Cotillion Club to Jungle Thicket…(Ladies, please don’t defoliate nature’s wonder with Mr. Gillette.  To many men, that stark, shaved, slicko look evokes memories of baby sisters in the bathtub.)

With those matters resolved, the gentleman will attend to his ladies, with deep, deliberate, thoughtful strokes, increasing speed here, decreasing there, but carefully alternating between the ladies to provide equal and deserved delight.  He may speak with tongue and he may use a thumb on their sultry, silent sentinels, showing them who’s boss after all, navigating the depths and the breadths of his precious ladies.   

The momentarily unattended lady won’t be in that situation for very long, as the gentleman alternates to and fro.  She has the opportunity to provide a little extra, deeply appreciated pleasure for the then-receiving lady by way of kisses and special attention to breasts, sharing with the gentleman from time to time.  The unattended lady will be doing so in full knowledge and anticipation that her turn will very soon be next…

                                                         Intermission

(Needing strength, the gentleman requires more appetizers and wine, plus oxygen.  The ladies eat chocolates.  All may need to visit the facilities.  (Incidentally, for most men, the phenomenon of female peeing within earshot is a totally mystifying matter.  Even if  given a close look at parts female, the men can’t figure out where it comes from…)

                Scene 5.  (“The Conquering Ladies”)

The gentleman (after resuscitation by the ladies) is remanded by the ladies to original position, on the lookout for bugs on the ceiling. (Three eyes are better than two.)  The lady last unattended in Scene 4. will slew up over the gentleman’s “Barber Pole”, facing his chinny, chin, chin, gingerly lowering herself down, down, down… She has him now.  He is trapped, perhaps in limbo, in Venus’s velvet glove… 

This position allows for utmost intimacy between man and woman.  Leaning forward, she offers parted lips and pendulous breasts for lingering, loving warmth and kisses.  Simultaneously (women being far better at multi-tasking than men), she will make subtle, girly adjustments, placing little sentinel in just the right spot.   She will begin with up-and-down motions, mimicking Lawrence Welk (“anna one, anna two, anna three, anna four”) in perfect 4/4 time.  Just as her man begins to understand, she will change cadence, rhythm, and time signature.  While continuing with “up-and-down”, she will add a hula- like “side to side”.  If she thinks he might catch on again, she adds “round and round”. 

Now, “up and down”, “side to side”, and “round and round”, all performed at once, defies several laws of physics.  Attempted by a male, it could easily result in a slipped disk.  (Just think what it is doing to “Barber Pole”.)  The mysterious motions continue until the time limit, known only to the ladies, expires.  The unattended lady who, incidentally, has been “razzing the gentleman’s berries” all the while (with lady fingers and feather) calls “switch”… His chance of survival is slight.

        Scene 6.  (“The Daisy Chain”)

The most recently unattended lady from Scene 5. will position herself, facing headboard, knees near foot of the bed and parted, resting on elbows, breasts swinging free.  The other lady, just forward, will be supine, knees elevated and apart to receive special attention.  The kneeling lady will begin providing artful, knowing, gentle, loving accompaniment as only another lady can do.  She doesn’t need a road map.  She knows the route…

The gentleman, standing, approaches his kneeling lady from behind, caressing “Bippity” and “Boppity”, then centering and nestling in “Boo!”.  He brings forth “Man of War”, parting the lush shrubbery to access her love envelope, servicing her in the way she deserves with long, reassuring strokes.  He continues to caress her bouncy bottom in deep appreciation, perhaps reaching around from time to time to re-verify that her breasts are still there.  An idle thumb, nail well-trimmed, might say a sweet “Hello” to rosebud…

“Switch!!”  The ladies have decided on a changing of the guard.  The gentleman and “Man of War” stand at attention, watching precision drill with amazement.  Buckingham Palace has nothing over these girls.  He soon is treated to the loveliness of another lady, similarly positioned, as she begins to attend to deliciously female quid pro quo.

And so it goes. Daisies come and daisies go.   (And then, delightfully, they come back.)

(Note that the kneeling lady, while moving toward supine, may experience the involuntary escape of  trapped, delicate air from her love envelope.  This phenomenon can produce sounds ranging from the gurgling and cooing of a bonneted baby girl to the “up-from-the-hoof print” snorting of a swollen-necked male buffalo at first green-up of Spring.  The ladies should not be embarrassed by this natural occurrence because all present are friends.  Any similar noises from the gentleman are due to the pate.)

                                            Scene 7.  (“Home Stretch”)

In transition from Scene 6., the gentleman remains engaged with his current kneeling lady.   The other lady will reposition herself similarly and comfortably alongside, presenting a second, glorious female bottom to the gentleman.   He will, of course, alternately provide delicious, continued service to the two ladies from behind, perhaps alternating between them a bit more frequently than ever before (possibly from the heat of the moment, but more than likely out of utter confusion).

(An opportunity arises here for a new and wonderful level of pleasure for the ladies.   It is a perfect time for use of  “rosebud plugs” (of the vibrating type).   They are  squeaky clean, pre-lubricated and placed within easy reach of the gentleman.   From his current vantage point, he will do the honors, installing them in the demure rosebuds and jump starting their engines.  The ladies will experience a warm, humming, “that’s not usually there” sensation, yielding to an overall sense of well being…)

All the while, the gentleman and “Man of War” will continue with deep, meaningful thrusts, shared by the ladies.   Also, the ladies are well positioned to reach underneath to talk to their little silent sentinels in the manner done since they were young girls.

“…Where are the simple joys of maidenhood ??…Where are all those adoring, daring boys ??…Will a knight never tilt for me, and later lift his kilt for me ??…    Oh, where are a maiden’s simple joys…??”                      (Adapted from “Camelot” – 1967)

With the ladies experiencing combined humming, thrusting, and  “talk to the sentinels”,  multiple orgasms are likely.  The male apparatus doesn’t provide for that enviable phenomenon, without reloading.   However, the gentleman will dearly love knowing that he had something to do with it happening for his ladies.  The ladies should announce each blessed event by conversing out loud with The Almighty, or by yelling  “Cowabunga!!”.  Hopefully, each lady will have at least three or four blessed events to report.   

Meanwhile, the gentleman is having a delightful, extraordinarily sensual experience beyond the imaginations of most male dullards.  Soon, he will become aware of some strange, silent, sinister stirrings, somewhere in a secret cul-de-sac deep in his swaying marble sacks, followed by a convoy of wooly caterpillars making their way slowly, steadily, sneakily upward (with a payload of joy juice that could displace Lake Erie) moving toward “Man of War” (hiding in the love envelope of one of his lovely ladies).

The gentleman will count to ten.  He will quote Karl Marx.  He will try to remember the principal exports of Peru, and he will spell “Albuquerque”.  He tries to negotiate:

      (The Caterpillers )      “Here we come, we’re on our waaaaay!!”
      (and he says)               “No, not yet.  Go away…”
                                                         (Adapted from “Mighty Mouse” – Date Unknown) 

The caterpillars win, and win (and win).  The gentleman (sharing payload between ladies)  fully discloses with  “Cowabunga!!”…“Hallelujah!!”…and  “Bippity, Boppity, Boo!”.

Exit, Stage Left